


i love you always forever

by throwaway18



Series: she keeps me warm [6]
Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:02:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28896318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/throwaway18/pseuds/throwaway18
Summary: irene talks about things to avoid talking about things.she's a mess.she knows.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Son Seungwan | Wendy
Series: she keeps me warm [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1790314
Comments: 2
Kudos: 47





	i love you always forever

**Author's Note:**

> lapslock because why not.

it's always at the rooftop. 

where their conversations unfold, that is. 

"but seulgi told me you're seeing someone?" 

"i am seeing someone. just, not _seeing_ them." 

"you're making zero sense, wendy." 

irene doesn't know where to place this peculiar relationship - or a lack thereof - she has with her junior. they're too much of a stranger to each other to be friends, yet too familiar with one another to be acquaintances. 

she would have drawn a line somewhere, bring a definition to this weird bond, whatever this is, but how can she when they aren't even standing on a clear path? 

"it's..." wendy makes these random motions with her hands. she looks like she's about to cast a spell on herself. a few more beats, she sighs. "it's complicated, okay?" 

"how is making out with jennie kim complicated?" 

"it's not as simple as it sounds." 

"i bet you that it's a lot simpler than trigonometry." 

"you won't -- hold up. how'd you know it's jennie?" 

a wry smile pulls at irene's lips. she can't recall how they wound up talking about wendy's little high school dilemma. she can't recall how they wound up finding this comfortable pace. 

she can't recall how they wound up talking at all. 

irene shrugs. "i notice things." 

"how perceptive of you." 

"so it's a fling then?" 

wendy groans. "that is so cliché."

-

  
they were never introduced. 

wendy is a name commonly passed among the student body. she has a bit of a reputation if irene were to be frank. to be fair, most of it is shaped by the various organizations she's in, not to mention being constantly awarded as the top student in their grade. 

but this is high school, and the moment you fall from the highly mounted pedestal, their hymns of praises can quickly turn into whispers of criticisms. a single mishap can be difficult to get rid of. 

kind of like a sticker. 

no matter how hard you scratch it off, there will be traces of it left behind for you to be reminded. 

even though you would rather forget. 

"have you decided on your major?" 

"biology. for pre-med." 

"daaamn." wendy whistles aloud, piercing through the night breeze. "future doctor bae." 

irene raises her head, facing up the indigo that has been brushed over the canvas of the sky, a sprinkle of stars faintly shimmering in between the gaps. the epilogue of a sunset has always been a fascinating scene for her, orange hues that once bled in the atmosphere fading into the darkness. 

"that's the goal." 

"has it been a dream of yours?" 

"ever since i was a kid." 

glacing back down to the coming and goings of the tenants, irene leans further onto the railings, the coldness of the metal permeating through the thick bundles of clothing she has shimmied into. wendy is only an elbow away from her. 

an unspoken distance. 

"will you be moving out?" 

"no. i'll be commuting." 

"to see more of me?" the jab has wendy's eyes crinkling at the edges. 

the distance persists amidst their teasings. 

no one dares to test its limits. how much space are they allowed to invade. but neither of them question the conditions printed on this hypothetical contract they've both signed, sealed with their names, simply respecting the ever present stretch of air that could easily be occupied by a fraction of their skin. 

irene matches the younger girl's mischief with her own. "who else would be here to keep you company?" 

they do this a lot. 

worldlessly falling into an agreement. 

-

  
"got you a cola." 

"oh wow, it's like you were expecting me or something." 

wendy rolls her eyes as irene shuts the door with a kick of her heel, the high school senior receiving the canned beverage into her waiting palms. irene thanks her. 

the party downstairs, just a floor below them, is in full swing. irene could hear the slightly muffled bass from the music that's blaring on seulgi's living room speakers. she would have complained about the noise, perhaps one of their neighbors already did, but it's the girl's birthday. 

they can let it slip. 

"so what happened to jennie?" 

"irene. that's old news." 

"huh. could've sworn i saw you together a week ago." 

a bunch of people from seulgi's grade are invited. that means they're friends of wendy's too. the two second years are best friends. inseperable. stuck to each other like glue. a buy-one-take-one deal. surely, their circle of friends have been intersected. 

wendy shouldn't be here. 

"pity. what use do you have for those gorgeous eyes if you can't see?" 

"are you buttering me up?" 

"why would i butter you up? you're not toast." 

this time, it's irene who rolls her eyes. "lame." 

it's winter. irene is supposed to detest the weather, as she usually does, but their rendezvous is an ongoing habit that feels impossible to break. like that phase she had in pre-school wherein she had trouble keeping her hands off the cookie jar. blame the missing treats on joy. it was funny. her sister could barely walk then. 

but those cookies were addicting. 

she shouldn't be here. 

irene's fingers skeptically halt at the tab of the can. "you didn't shake this, did you?" 

"drink the damn thing, irene." 

yoona would be on a lookout for her, wondering why she has suddenly vanished from the small crowd that has gathered in seulgi's apartment unit. she's a guardian of sorts, hovering over her without needing to be overbearing. 

irene flinches. 

she shouldn't be here. 

"ow, crap. i bit my tongue." 

"is it me or does the cola taste different today?" 

"all in your head, wen." 

still, irene stays.

-

  
sometimes, irene thinks about how strange it is they hardly acknowledge each other in school. 

"congratulations! you are now officially a college girl." 

"thank you, but is the balloon absolutely necessary?" 

she's in a grade above wendy, so it doesn't surprise her when their interactions are limited to curt nods, brief waves, and a passing hi or hello. the greetings don't progress. there's a stoplight somewhere at the back of their heads as they walk by, blinking a bright green, telling them to go, and they abide by these laws of human nature. 

"can't be a celebration without the party paraphernelia." wendy wiggles a finger in front of her. 

irene swallows a laugh. a string is secured around her wrist, tied to a tight knot, preventing the pink balloon from floating up to the clouds. "not really something to celebrate." 

"yeah, but you've finally unfastened the shackles binding you to the hell hole we call high school." 

"true." 

it's understandable though. 

their passive exchanges in public. 

irene had only known of wendy as seulgi's best friend, while wendy had only known of her as seulgi's next-door neighbor. the kang's moved into the complex two years ago. seulgi is chatty and a pocketful of sunshine, and irene didn't have it in her heart to be rude. 

contrary to popular belief, she does have a heart. 

then with no warning or whatsoever, wendy had trampled into the rooftop at the same time as her.   
curious eyebrows thrown. talking about the bands they listen to in the aftermath. 

it was an unexpected turn of events. 

"i kinda wanna pop the balloon." 

wendy gasps. dramatically. the action itself demonstrates her recurring involvement in theater. "irene, you cold-blooded murderer!" 

"balloons have no feelings." 

"how would you know? ever been a balloon?" 

"you haven't been one either." 

"safer to assume they feel things." 

and sometimes, irene thinks about how strange it is she finds a normalcy in this. 

-

irene is far from a talker. 

"seulgi's been asking."

"about?" 

"where i run off to." 

yoona crowns her with the title of "aversion queen" because it's what she does best, dance around the bush of subjects she has no intention of diving into. she can't complain. it isn't a false claim made up to support the incident of her resorting to her fists after she had been confronted in middle school. 

a guy back in first year taunted her about it. 

being told you have a temper then retaliating with a fiery kick to the shin does not make things any better. 

but it shut him up. 

everyone backed off. 

"what did you tell her?" 

wendy rubs on her jaw. "hmm. said i'd go up here for a breather." 

"okay." 

"should have i said something else?" 

irene remembers hearing yoona tell the guy that he was lucky it had only been his shin. it could've been worse. the girl wasn't put off by what she did, complimenting her for not tolerating anyone's bullshit. 

while others avoided her wrath, yoona took her in, held her hand whenever it quaked and became her voice of reason. although irene had been skittish of the physical affections and her friendship, she lowered her walls for the girl. 

despite yoona's unyielding patience over her struggles, irene can't muster the courage to roll the gates open to her innermost thoughts. 

"it's perfectly fine," irene says.

"seulgi isn't fond of the rooftop anyway. a cat ambushed her here once." 

"ouch." 

"she could join us, but she won't." 

however, with wendy, the task is relatively child's play. she doesn't hesitate. the words flow fluidly from her, tipped from their confinement, spilling all over the floor, restrained no more. 

irene gazes at the skyline. she says again, "it's perfectly fine."

-

  
they are an unusual pair. 

"what's dating in college like?" 

a girl who had been at the top of the food chain. 

and a girl who hadn't reached the base of the pyramid.

or she could just refer to herself as the pretty girl with anger issues 

"too much work."

"so you've been on dates? fancy restaurants and a romantic stroll at the park?" 

"yes and no. you've obviously been watching rom-coms lately." irene snickers. 

wendy scoffs. a gust of wind blows past them. it's stronger than the recent ones, and wendy's hair flies to her face, getting into her eyes and mouth. she untangles the threads of deep brown from her tongue, rumbling a displeased grunt when the wind returns for another round. 

irene couldn't contain the laughter in her throat. good thing she had wrapped her hair into a high ponytail earlier. 

"it's not my fault my sister is a sucker for romance. tiffany chooses the flicks for family movie nights." wendy grumbles.

"aren't you a sucker for it too, though?" 

"nah. but i'm a sucker for you." wendy winks. 

"gross." 

a greasy girl. 

and an indifferent girl. 

they are definitely an unusual pair.

-

violence is never the answer. 

"i was here yesterday." 

"hmm?" 

irene's therapist had mentioned it on their first meeting. 

the phrase isn't alien to her. it's been quoted to children for generations. learning about self-control and the management of your emotions. what's frustrating is people tell you what you should do, but not how you could do it. 

many things are easier said than done. 

irene believes therapists exist for that reason. 

"i was here yesterday." wendy repeats. her eyes are shifty. "with someone." 

a breathing room. 

is what she should have, her therapist suggested. 

their apartment felt too cramped. every room she went into, someone had to be there. her dad watching the news in the living room. her mother in the kitchen. joy singing in their shared bedroom. her grandfather in their study. she refused to be anywhere else other than the aforementioned rooms. 

maybe that's why she climbed up the steps leading to the rooftop. 

for a wide section of peace. 

her last resort. 

"oh." irene grips onto the handle bars of the railings. 

hot to the touch. 

it's summer. 

"just. um. thought you should know." 

"noted." 

why hadn't she come up with the idea sooner? the tenants don't seem to be fond of hiking the extra stairs. or just not during the time she goes up to meditate. but the timing suited her, loosening up the tension from the day's stress, coming back down to a calmer temperament. 

her family are aware not to disturb her in this precious hour. 

"for the record, i didn't initiate it," wendy says.

"okay." 

"she was a member for our group project." 

"i see." 

whenever she has the urge to punch something, she does a small exercise, clenching and unclenching her fists until the pressure dissipates. it doesn't work on all occasions, but the movements shift her focus onto the nails that scrape on her skin. 

and breathing evenly, of course, helps. 

it's enough to have the aggravation on hold, or -- 

"she dragged me up to watch the sunset." 

"oh." 

"are you mad?" 

"nope." 

irene hardens her features. 

she suddenly hates the sunset.

-

  
"i'm not perfect." 

"we're all flawed, wen." 

"i've finally accepted it today." 

emotions. 

irene thinks she is incapable to handle them. 

she had walked in on joy sniffling onto her pillow, shoulders trembling as the uncontrollable burst of tears were shed from her blotchy eyes. sugarcoated consolations weren't her field of expertise, settling instead to silently slide her sister a mug of hot chocolate on the bed-side table, in replacement of a warm shoulder to cry on. 

albeit their day-to-day screaming matches and arguments, irene felt the responsibility as joy's older sister. 

she didn't have to. 

but she wanted to. 

"it's stupid. but i've been convinced i was perfect for the longest time." wendy chuckles. there isn't a twinge of humor in her tone. it's rather sad. "then i just. got into a slump. my grades suffered. i couldn't play the guitar anymore. i wasn't confident in my singing. i was in ruins." 

what about wendy? 

they're not related. irene isn't obliged to be an audience to the tale of a celebrated princess who fell off her tower, covered in cuts and bruises, abandoned by the crowd who had observed the tragedy from the sidelines. save for the one loyal friend who carried her on her back until she could regain her balance again. 

yet, irene listens. 

she doesn't wrap her in an embrace any friend would give. she doesn't intertwine their hands to let them know they won't be going anywhere. she doesn't say the right words that exude solace in every syllable. 

"i haven't told anyone." wendy confesses. "including seulgi" 

but irene listens. 

listens with her heartbeat drumming an erratic rhythm in her ears. 

"why are you telling me this?" 

"what?" it reels wendy off guard. 

even their elbows are touching. 

"you said you haven't told anyone else. so why are you telling me this?" 

see, this is where the complication begins in their situation. 

irene finally feels it. there is now pavement beneath her feet, a visible road she and wendy stand on with a destination that's shrouded in fog. an uncharted path lined with speed bumps along the winding way. maybe a blind curve down the line. 

it's a rocky journey irene is hesitant on driving on. 

it scares her. 

it frightens her to the core. 

"because..." wendy stares at her. her eyes ooze with sincerity, a window to her own heart. "it's you." 

irene panics. 

"i - i have to go." 

she dashes out of the rooftop, slamming the metal door with a clang.

-

it takes around two weeks for irene's legs to have the courage to tread those steps once more. 

she loathes the anxiety verbal confrontations evoke, attuned to diverting herself to the opposite side. she's accustomed to having her fists solve the nuances in her life. 

this isn't where the same solution applies. 

in her dreams, she is tormented by a painful frown that mars a particular person's face and a pair of unbelievable brown eyes she has ever had the pleasure of setting on. as she awakens, the sight is still immortalized in her mind. an expression of hurt and disappointment plastered behind her eyelids. 

irene cannot escape from this. 

"you came." 

wendy greets her from her favorite spot by the railings, a specific angle that showcases a view of the seoul tower peeking above the large buildings in front of it. she smiles, lackluster of the vibrance it normally gives out. 

irene knows she is held accountable for the loss. 

she shuffles closer. her breathing increases as her feet wobble forward. every step incriminates her for a breach of their contract. but she had already been guilty of it the instant their elbows were skin-to-skin. the instant irene opened her pandora's box of a question. 

there is no looking back. 

she's there, nearing the path she had leaped out of in fear. her mouth has gone dry. nervous is an understatement. she hasn't perused out of her comfort zone for anyone in her lifetime. 

she's almost there. 

"are you going to run away again --" 

"wendy, i like you." 

the sensation underneath her dirty converse resurfaces. she feels the road, sees all the challenging twists and turns up ahead, and she's positive that this is where she wants to be. 

to risk everything for something uncertain. 

but it's a gamble irene is willing to make. 

"i've never done this before." irene admits. they stand toe-to-toe. a closeness unfamiliar to her, but the diminishing distance is welcomed. "you don't have to say it too." 

wendy, as gently as she could, unfolds the fingers from irene's fist. they uncurl with tiny bouts of tremors, having been used to the wariness people have when approaching the older girl. upon relaxing her hand, wendy fits her own digits into the slots between irene's fingers. 

"i'm a mess, irene." 

"and so am i. nothing has to happen now. i just wanted to be honest for once. to be upfront with my emotions." 

"but we're trying, aren't we? to be better versions of ourselves?" 

irene nods. that's what she sees at the end of the road. a better version of herself. will wendy be waiting for her too? she doesn't know. it's not guaranteed. she has to put herself first. "we both have some figuring out to do."

"we do. what's your plan now?" 

"i'm considering the dorms. broaden my horizons. not rely on my parents all the time. continue to stop punching people in the face. you?" 

"a year off in canada. embrace my imperfections. make more mistakes. eat, pray, love. the gist. then college on the other end of seoul the following year." 

has it really been two years since they started their conversations up on this rooftop? 

wendy doesn't release their hands, thumb kneading at her backhand in soothing patterns. it feels like a farewell, but irene also feels it isn't permanent. just a goodbye to their companionship, of endless conversations, and of staying on the borderline of uncertainty. 

"can i at least ask you for one thing, irene?" 

"okay, what is it?" 

"can i ask for your number?"

-

  
irene yawns, her bleary eyes adjusting to the visual assault by the sun's rays. she presses her phone onto her ear. 

"guess who i saw this morning." 

"wendy, it's 8 AM on a saturday. my brain is practically on a vacation." 

"fine. i ran into jennie on campus." 

"jennie? your jennie? as in jennie kim?" 

this is how irene spends the beginning of her weekends. 

"irene, that was three years ago! besides, she was with her taller and younger girlfriend." 

"ooh, girlfriend not your type then?" 

wendy laughs into the receiver. "yeah, not my type." 

"so what is your type, miss shon?" 

"someone who can pack a punch." 

irene grins wide. "foul, foul, foul." 

it's always at the rooftop.

**Author's Note:**

> irdk what this is. it's an experimental work. i tried to write where the conversations and the narrations hardly have anything to do with each other. just to highlight irene's avoidance of whatever is on her mind while she's speaking.
> 
> so i understand if it's a little confusing, but i'm fine with how it's turned out.
> 
> all mistakes are mine as i have yet to proofread this (i'm on mobile). 
> 
> feedback is always appreciated 😊


End file.
